Alexander Carson

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Struggle

We've all gone a little Howard Hughes

Whittling away the years just watching the news

It's these kind of times

That I forget to be kind

To myself

To myself

I have nothing left to give

Yet they ask so much of me but

Even a stopped clock tells the right time twice a day

And any two points form a straight line

Tell me tell me tell me how

You got that your lump in your throat

Or how you are falling apart

And how that gives me some hope

That in these kind of times

We all forget to be kind

To ourselves

To ourselves

An absence of being

The impermanence of this all

Like a leaf I search out the light

And I learn struggle is the meaning of life

Lovers

We lie in beds

Your exhale so soft

And we will divide under Harvest moons

Delicate plants on the ledges aloft

Under the bluest of skies will bloom

Exhausting our hearts to their last desire

We are two halves of a whole

Reflecting the two fold light of our fires

Across the twin mirrors of our two souls

And it is death that consoles you

And yet causes our lives to live

It’s the goal of this life and the hope of the sole ray

And gives us the strength to the end of the day.

And all through the tempest

The Frost and the snows

It’s the shimmering light on a black sky line it’s the crack in our hearts on heavens faultline.

It’s the fame of the gods

It’s the curse of the poor

And to the unknown heavens

It’s a wide open door

Forgotten

I Forgot more
Then I ever knew
Feet through the floor
Into a darkened room

Forgotten Light, Forever Now
Forgotten Light, Forever Now

I died before you got to see me
A particle of light so infinitely less worthy
So don’t look too close you’ll soon forget me
Don’t look too close you’ll soon forget me

Forgotten Light is Forever Now
Forgotten Light is Forever Now
Forgotten Light is Forever Now
Forgotten Light is Forever Now

COLOUR

Gaunt and Frail

Hands that haven’t grown

Are white knuckle on handle rail

You’re surrounded but alone

Taught and Told

Your slight unweighted frame

Nestled in hospitals alabaster silent wings

The softest melody oh the silence sings.

How’s the weather in here?

Does it rain in Ward B?

And the less said about the food the better

But at least you’re talking to me

So colour it in

Never talk it out

Write it down

Try to spit it out

You’re too young to understand it

Oh but yet you feel it anyway

You reach out

Feeling the space

You’re a phantom limb

A peculiar ache

I am a stranger

I wish you knew more

And you are flesh and blood

And I have never loved you more

Morphine

Embroid your pleasant designs upon me

Such banal canvas

Such pitiable destinies

These souls never bold enough

At least, not for me

And i’m dreaming of gallows and hookah smoke rings float

Oh you delicate monster, my likeness, my brother

This boredom

Is the worst

Of all miseries

Can I interest you in a little Morphine?

No, well, more for me now then

This takes some more from me

Now and then

You were more than half a friend

But less and less until the sweet end

And I would waste you on half-told jokes

And circumspect evidence against the contrary

You were always

My Jesus, Joseph and Mary

GHOSTS

One day I’ll grow old
And bigger than these bones
One day i’ll grow cold
And i’ll fill a sudden hole

For once what was lost
Will almost certainly be returned
But once this bodies lost
All my thoughts will be interned

Though I still think of you
Even though you don’t think of me
And I still drink to you
Cup runeth over these hollow bones

It’s like all my thoughts have calcified
Such contentious issues
You’re always so terribly terrified
It’s like my dreams are paper tissue

And I know

There’s no such thing as ghosts
But I would take an ethereal host
To talk to you
Once last time
And drink your wine

I Swam

I swam in the warm embrace of you 

I poured my heart into each and every single pore of you 

Oh what am I to do?

The subtlest embrace or a lifetime without you

And I Whispered on every eyelash I'm in love with you

I'm afraid of losing even an inch of you 

Oh what am I to do

The subtlest embrace a lifetime without you

These Days

It is the weight on your chest

It's the pull of this thread

Living every day just to say at least I'm not dead

It's the perpetual nonsense

The unrequited dread

And I am too lost

And I am Jack's raging bile duct

And I am all out of random luck

And so

Sorry

For all

The worry i’ve caused

These days

These days

Are harder than they seem

Are harder than they...

I'll replay every mistake I've made at 5am listening to the pauses between my thoughts.

Leaving me with rot. So set these nightmares free.

And I am too lost

And I am Jack's raging bile duct

And I am all out of random luck

And so

Sorry

For all

The worry i’ve caused

These days

These days

Are harder than they seem

Are harder than they...

The Past is a Foreign Country

The crumbled palaces of my youth

Still stand tall, yet brick and mortar loose

We are all stuck mid page turn

One chapter ends and god I hope I’ve learned

So I scoured all the archives

I deciphered Rosetta Stone and I plagiarised

A more tortured soul than mine so I could feel my own

To realise, we all are born and die alone

But every time I looked in your eyes it was like a symphony

And I wondered if I stood here long enough I would be reclaimed by the sea

I was stuck in a symptomatic, self indulgence, some sweet reverie

But subtle as a warm winter's breath on my exposed neck

Oh please come back to me…

My Love
My Love
My Love

So at Last

All that is solid will melt into air

All that is holy will be profaned

So at last

I am compelled

To face my fellow man

So drown these heavenly ecstasies

In such chivalrous enthusiasm

Or such philistine sentimentalism

Has been plunged

Into icy waters

And so at last

I am compelled

To face my fellow man

And so at last

I am compelled

To face my fellow man

Asleep at the wheel

I saw two singing, shining, pearls

in mirrored glass Moonlight set on full beam

You cradled me in the sky and rocked me to sleep

Dead eyed like a flight attendant, bored enough to weep

It was sugar sweet, peanut butter stuck to roof of mouth kinda love

A pulmonary embolism feat of pain

When you ripped the bandage off my bleeding heart I felt sane

A subtle syncopated switch from the start, rinse lather repeat it’s all the same

Algorithm

I can’t dance

To the beat

Of your algorithm

Solitary

Pig sweet

You sweat meat

So tickle me pink

Sometimes I want to break

Something beautiful

Crush your perfect skin into mine

And wear you as a suit

And parade round the house

Till your prudish ideas come loose

At the seams

And so it seems

My own love songs

Have become

Too

Obscene

The Museum

Strychnine, dancing queen only 17

Strip me of every ambition I’ve ever had

I am dumb, useless, lifeless slump of chum

So feed me amphetamines, codeine and phone screens

If there is a light on

It’s been snuffed out

If there is a light on

It’s been snuffed out

I walked across the park just to know you’re not there

And counted the colours in a gasoline rainbow

It is all fallen leaves and amber break lights

Reflecting all the colours of the night

If there is a light on

It’s been snuffed out

If there is a light on

It’s been snuffed out

food For Thought

I've named all my gods so they can't control me anymore

I've met all my demons so they don't frighten me anymore

But I still you quiver under a cold sunlight - without your winter coat

You know my legs wobble you know and my bones are skin tight - it takes but a moment to snub out the light

Oh Forgive me

And give me

Food four fought

Set me free I don't wanna be taught

I am too old for this shit

Am I more than a one hit wunderkind

I put up a wall when I should tear it down

But all these feelings, that doesn't stop them hanging around

Am I less of a man if I learn something new

If I break this blood that separate me and you

Maybe another day will evaporate - Like nothing came before or after

Like an idiot sevant but not good at anything - If you have to make notes it generally speaking not worth remembering

How many Amazon delivery guys will derail my train of thought today

Oh Forgive me

And give me

Food four fought

Set me free I don't wanna be taught

I am too old for this shit

Am I more than a one hit wunderkind

Another cup of coffee and Another grey day

Two hidden cats under a mountain of duvet

When will domestic bliss Stop terrifying me this way

I should stop being so churlish and make some hay

But these caffeine sweat heart palpitations never seem to go away

Perhaps this is what they mean by the term "I'm okay"

“I'm okay"

Gloom

It's in the cracks the gloom gets in

In the quiet moments in the absence of light

Littered betwixt shopping list and financial breakdown.

Poetry pours out and gets set free.

The unclogged drain of domestic bliss

My Perforated soul I am heart sick

Just give me a break

Just give me a break

Just give me a break

Just give me a break

You see it's all of these arseholes who keep telling me how to feel and how-to be.

Pinkered puckered purple vein throbs

Loose limbed life limps on

I am

Weightless gormless without form

Endless brainless foam and hell hath no fury like

A stifled yawn

And the endless complications never once left my brain. Click scroll sob Every day the mother fucking same

Just give me a break

Just give me a break

Just give me a break

Just give me a break

Contact

Contact: 

Alexander: alexander@alexandercarsonmusic.co.uk

teaching

Piano/ music theory/ arrangement/ Composition/ improv Tuition

If you’re interested in learning the piano, music theory, arrangement or composition and improvisation, I am currently taking on new students. I have been playing for over 27 years and have the following qualifications:

• ABRSM Grade 8 Piano Performance

• ABRSM Grade 5 Music Theory

• ABRSM Grade 5 Jazz Piano

• BA (Hons) in Music Performance (UEA)

I teach from five years old and up. No two students are the same so I create a bespoke lesson plan for everyone. Learning grades isn’t compulsory so I’m able to teach off-syllabus based on the students needs. I also teach lessons on music theory, arrangement (chamber strings as well as band orchestration), and the fundamentals of music composition. I’ve had the privilege of teaching and coaching artists such as Elena Tonra (Daughter/EX:RE), Jamie T and producers like Ben Baptie (Moses Sumney/Leanne La Havas), James Dring (Damon Albarn, Gorillaz) and more.

All lessons are currently given over Zoom or Skype so I’m able to take on students world-wide. Lessons are priced at £30 per hour or £250 for a bulk booking of 10 lessons in advance.

Use my contact page to get in touch.